Ten on Tuesday: Changes

Nothing like almost four months down the road to pick up where I left off... only now summer has past,  new adventures have started, a new routine is trying to be discovered, fall has settled in and winter is around the corner. Where oh where do I start off? How about in the past week?!

Ten on Tuesday

Fall at Sorrento Centre

1) I've been settling into not only the job as Program Director at Sorrento Centre over the past month but have also been settling into my apartment over the past few weeks. It's coming together but will not happen overnight. A few items still need to come in from Savona... nevertheless it is so nice to have my own space to call home. My own space to make mine. My own space to be who I need to be outside of the rest of my life. Rest, Renewal, Sleep, Peace, Prayer.

2) Cooking... oh how I truly have missed cooking. This week I made some delicious beef patties with mushroom and feta in them. Enjoyed on top of a bed of green spinach and I was set! Tonight "Spinach Tomato Orzo Soup" is in my crock pot... so looking forward to enjoying that tonight!

3) Speaking of all things cooking... it's vital to get some stuff into the freezer so I can pull it out and take it with me for lunch and/or dinner during the many trips to Kamloops I'm making.

4) Last week I spent five days in the Calgary area gathering with representatives from each diocese of people who have a passion for working with youth. It was wonderful to gather with friends and colleagues. It was much needed time of sharing, conversation, worship, laughter and rest.

Play time with Theo!!

5) I'm not going to lie... one of the best parts of my resent time in Calgary was spending time with my friend Su from the Island and her 10 month old baby, Theo. I'll be bold enough to say that Theo and I became pretty good friends and had way too much fun playing with toys, crawling on the ground, and laughing. There is something about spending time with infants that reminds me of what is really important in life and how some things are really just not worth our time.

6) Youth Group - it's all happening again!! Some new ideas, some new adventures, some new faces and a whole lot of similar fun!!

7) A new church experience. I've been helping out with Sunday School here and there at the Cathedral during the 10am service. Sunday School is where I started out many years ago in the small town of Savona. It's where I learned about God, it's where I discovered my passion, it's where a group of adults believed in me, mentored me, and encouraged me - even though I didn't know I needed it. 8 years of Sunday School ministry and I'm once again dipping my toes into it and loving it. Right, back to the point. Because of this it means that I miss the scripture reading and reflection at the 10am service... so I've started to attend the 8am service (when I'm organized enough). This service is Book of Common Prayer, an unfamiliar book with unfamiliar and sometimes uncomfortable language.

8) I think I'm enjoying this 8am service thing. Yes, that is what I just wrote. There is something nice about the simplicity of it (no music, no interaction with neighbor, etc...), the unfamiliarity and the fact that I have no responsibilities and no one has any expectations for me (well, except maybe God). I sit in that small chapel with the small gathered group and I stop. I pause. I breathe. And sometimes, I just want to cry. It's the break I obviously need right now.

9) I have some pretty remarkable, caring and influential friends out there... just saying!

10) I slowly but surly beginning to feel settled for which I am very grateful.

I wish I was still in silence... at Sorrento Centre

I have attended my first silent retreat, it was only for a weekend and I could have continued for a few more days of silence, but nevertheless it was amazing. Don't be surprised if I one day take off for a longer silent retreat; I was definitely not ready to go out of silence when Sunday worship ended, I could have continued in mediation, thought and prayer for a few more days. There was just something about it, something about the silence, something about the yearning of my heart and this need that had just began to feel like it was being filled. I really resonated with the idea that when we wonder where we are going in life we need to ask ourselves "what is my deep desire?" The desire that is deep within our heart, below the surface, what is it that I need to listen to?

We gathered together on Friday for dinner and shortly after started our first session which was all about the practice of the Awareness Examen. The Awareness Examen is an exercise where you look at the last twenty-four hours and how it was filled and what feelings you felt during each of those activities. Then we ask ourselves what gave us joy in the day and what gave us anxiety or disturbed us. As a secondary question, after doing this exercise for a fair bit of time, one might ask "where is God in my life" but as a starting point it was recommended just looking at the joys and anxiety. By naming our feelings we can own them, and then we can offer them to God. We sat for a fifteen minute block of silence taking part in the Awareness Examen, had night prayer and took off to bed. 

I woke up with a cold nose... no one told me that I had to turn up the heat in my room - I thought it was all controlled in the building as a whole!! (Yes, I worked at the Centre for four months and did not know this!) We had two sessions on Saturday, one on the use 

of imagination, Ignatius, where you become "personally present through the imagination to an event in the life of Christ" and one on "Word into Silence" where you choose a word and keep reciting it in silence. We looked at a piece of scripture from John for the Ignatius exercise, the story of the nativity. I couldn't get the image of the stable with Mary holding the newborn baby Jesus with the smell of straw and joy out of my head. Even though I knew that it should be a not so pleasant smell my imagination was never able to reach that... it was a stable after all! We did the "Word into Silence" for thirty minutes, reciting (in our heads) 'maranatha' which means 'Come Lord, Come Lord Jesus', when thoughts or images enter into your mind you are suppose to acknowledge them but quickly go back to reciting your word. This was probably the hardest for me, I had a really hard time getting thoughts to stay away and I think to reach the point of having the maranatha recite from my heart rather than my head is going to take many days and many weeks of this practice. I particularly enjoyed this method, so we'll see what happens. Our final session of the day combined all three practices for a total of forty minutes in communal silence. Doesn't sound like a lot when you look at the whole time spent in silence, but sitting in one spot, in one position, for that long can make a knee sore! 

We had morning, evening, and night prayers throughout Saturday and I spent a fair amount of time outside enjoying the sunshine and beautiful world. The Centre was filled with snow, it was beautiful and gorgeous, and I took the chances of walking on top of the three feet or so of snow to stand in awe of the view and wonder of our world and our God. I also did a lot of journalling and took a well needed nap. I had individual time with the retreat director, Bishop John, which gave me not only some direction and assurance but also some of my thinking. 

We concluded on Sunday with a session that provided some direction on how to continue of the the practices in 'regular life', and also on the importance of scheduling that time with God each and every day, and to keep it like we would keep any other appointment. After worship ended our period of silence also ended, we engaged in conversation before departing on our ways. 

When I first stared working at Sorrento Centre Bishop John was doing a silent retreat with the clergy from his diocese, I was amazed at the extent of the silence and was in awe of the peacefulness I felt just being in the presence of them all. So, when I saw this opportunity to take part in the weekend retreat I decided to attend. And my excitement just continued to grow as the time grew closer, and now I'm excited to see where my next silent adventure will have me!