Writing Milton

Research materials for Milton Paper

The end of the semester is here and all I've been doing right now (between Easter, sleep, traveling and meetings) is reading and writing. It's research and finding connections. It's all about Milton, Paradise Lost and the theme of Paradise. The word limit for this "graduating" essay... it doesn't exist yet. So this means I just keep writing, at 4300 words I'm far from complete and the pile of books is large and the pieces of paper with thoughts, ideas, connections and quotes are everywhere.

Some days I wonder how I actually get anything that makes sense on paper. My messy and spread out style of writing eventually always works though. My only problem right now is keeping up my energy and balance.

The more I write the more connections I make. The more connections I make the more I need to write. And I know that the more I write the more I will end up needing to edit.

For now, I'm taking a break from this large stack of books!

Seventeen on Saturday

1. I stayed up for 37 hours from 9:30am on Holy Saturday to 10:30pm on Easter Sunday. Was this a good idea, I have no idea. Was it worth it? Totally!

2. I have never been awake for that many hours before. Ever. And I have no yearning to go beyond that many hours of “wakeness”.

3. I would never recommend someone with Easter Sunday morning liturgical commitments to have an Easter “wakover” with youth the night before. Not unless you’re superman/superwoman.

Peaceful water

4. It was wonderful to gather with family on Easter Sunday for dinner. First time I saw my grandparents since February. Even with the 12 grandchildren who were there we still felt the missing presence of the 3 who were unable to make it. And we really missed them. When the “kids” begin to grow up things seem a bit weird!

5. The conversations that my family has with me at these large family gatherings have not changed: marriage plans, boyfriend plans, school plans, career plans, and church. And no – I’m not the one initiating them and no, almost none of those topics have plans!

6. Traveling immediately after Easter when you’ve been awake for too many hours is very silly. That being said, missing the last week of classes is also silly – oops!

7. And yet I’d do it again, exhaustion and all. Being with the Vision 2019 Implementation Team and engaging with the work and the people made it all totally worth it.

8. Actually, I’ve just arrived home and I’m missing Toronto already – the work and especially the people and conversations that took place.

9. My classes are over, my first exam is on the 17^th and I have one more paper to write and handed in one yesterday afternoon. I picked up books that came in through the library this morning… that means that I now have four books to read– my life of reading and writing begins today!

10. I’m really missing Toronto… really missing it. I kinda sorta wish I wasn’t already at home.

11. I went to bed early last night, which I really needed… sleep was wonderful!

12. I’m trying to figure out how much I can get done today and how much will need to wait until tomorrow. I wish that papers would just write themselves.

Easter Gift

13. Anticipating making a cauliflower crust pizza tonight with my roommate and super, super excited!

14. After I tackle a huge chunk of work today I’m headed to see Titanic with some friends… excited!

15. I’ve realized that in just over two weeks I’ll be moving to Sorrento Centre and I’m mixed with excitement and the feeling of not being completely ready.

16. I received this lovely gift from a good friend in the midst of Holy Week… it made me smile and reminded me not to let the small things bring me down.

17. I’m going to go face Milton now… pray for me. :P  

Post Easter Reflections

I think my tiredness is setting in. I was unable to tell just a short bit ago but now I’m feeling tired and still sitting in the Vancouver airport awaiting my soon to depart flight. I feel better though seeing at least four small children around me also waiting for flights all of who are obviously exhausted. Last complaint then I’ll move onto more exciting things: I’ve been sitting way too much since Tuesday at 6am. And my beloved shoulder bags, well they will have limited airport travel time with me now… backpack all the way. I must be starting to get old or at least my bones have prematurely aged on me. And in an attempt to not spread out on the floor I have managed to sit “criss cross apple sauce“ on this chair that has become my temporary home!

Maundy Thursday @ Cathedral

Easter. Yay – Easter has come!!! Yahoo, the Lord is Risen!! Holy Week was amazing and very full as it can only be. And I made it to my first ever Maundy Thursday service, loved it of course! Now I have too many ideas for future Holy Weeks/services going through my mind (not uncommon at all!). We had a course over Monday – Wednesday of the week “The 3 Mary’s”, I enjoyed each session and learned lots. Things went well and somehow I managed to make it though alongside school and many other preparations.

Fifteen young people gathered together on Saturday night to attend the 9pm Easter Vigil service and then spent the night at the Cathedral. It was a night with no sleep, I didn’t even get my pillow out of the office! We had a massive Easter egg hunt around 1am with glow-in-the-dark eggs alongside all things chocolate themed. Folks played games and watched a movie. Around 3am I gave up on the topic of sleep, made tea and sat in the chapel for a bit. We left the Cathedral around 4:30am to attend the Sunrise service on the beach. It was freezing out but the moon was beautiful and full and the service lovely. It is quickly becoming one of my favorite services.

Glow-in-the-dark Easter Eggs!

By the time we got to Denny’s for breakfast the youth were close to collapsing into sleep in their breakfast! I attended the 10am Easter service at the Cathedral and then headed out to Savona. Joined the community there fore their 4pm service and then spent the evening with the family – it was so wonderful to be together.

All in all everything went well and we all eventually got home and to sleep. I heard the Easter Resurrection story four times in twelve hours and heard something different/new each time. One can’t get tired of the Resurrection story! Joy, joy, joy, joy!! And much, much celebration! I love Easter.

New Life

Signs and smells of New Life and the Resurrection are being experienced and beginning to surround us all.

Happy Easter!

Good Friday Poem

For But A Moment

Jesus.

I read your story

Your experience

Your betrayal

Your pain. 

I read it to the people

And I heard the crowds cry

In passionate response:

"Crucify Him! Crucify Him!".

I stood with you

For but a moment

And I felt your pain

Your rejection

Your abandonment

Your fear.

I stood with you

Ready to cry

Ready to flee

Ready to give up. 

For but only a moment

I stood with you.

And yet,

In that moment 

I learned

That you truly understand

Our fears

Our grief

Our desperation

Our hopelessness.

You understand

How we feel

Always. 

Even though

I only experienced

Your pain 

For but a moment.

*This was written as part of my Good Friday reflection... still very much in draft. 

Ten on Tuesday

Moss... Moss amazes me

1. I miss having my brothers and sisters here. I miss the laughter, the energy, the moments of deep love and compassion between siblings. I even miss all the dishes - dishwashing was the pocket of time for me to think, breathe and pray. And most of all, I miss being able to *show* them just how much they are loved.

2. I may miss them but I'm also very much content with the current quietness that exists in my house.

3. After being away for almost the whole day I find myself thankful for friends from faraway, sherbet, television that does not require me to think and tea.

4. I sat down last night with my journal and the "Writing to God: 40 days of praying with my pen" book I've been working through and read "Monday of Holy Week" and sat there for five minutes in disbelief that we're already in Holy Week.

5. I was the narrator for the shared Gospel Reading on Sunday and when the congregation replied/shouted (twice) "Crucify Him! Crucify Him!" I was sure that I was going to either a) burst into tears or b) fall over. There was something powerful and terrifying about having that shouted out around me: sides, front and back. I wonder... I wonder how Jesus felt.

6. Along with not being able to believe that Holy Week is here I can't believe that Easter will be here this weekend.

Sun shinning through the trees at Paul Lake

7. I have so much school work to do right now and almost no motivation to do it. Let's hope my interest comes back when I sit down and actually force myself to sit, read, research and write. And yet that is part of the scary part... I'll end up so focused and excited about my research and writing that I won't want to stop.

8. I'm so very thankful for community. For a community where I am loved, accepted and supported on my good and focused days and on my grumpy, close to tears and exhausted days. Community sustains me, especially the community that is grounded in faith and God's love.

9. The daffodils have been blooming at the Cathedral for probably almost two weeks now... it's a sign of new life a reminder of the resurrection story.


10. My hope for this Easter is that I will look at the world with refreshed and reenergized eyes.

Energy filled Weekend

Aaron at the playground!

Taylor, Rhys and Aaron spent the weekend at my place, it was an energy and fun filled weekend! Of course that much energy and fun also means that a few moments of quiet and deep breathing are required!

I love having them over: it is so much fun to look at the world through their eyes, to sit and read them a bedtime story and to do all the many things that they find excitement and joy in.

Friday night was low key... we had dinner, cleaned up and put on a movie and enjoyed one another's company.

Saturday was a very full day! It started my absolute favorite way; the way it starts morning when the kids are here. Aaron quietly sneaks into my room and whispers to me, "can I take your laptop?" I open my eyes, tell him that he can and then he picks up my laptop and sneaks back out the door... silently closing the door behind him. And then I sleep for about another hour. Why don't I just leave my laptop on the table for him? Because there is something beautiful about the oh so respectful and generous wake-up from him!

Pizza Making!

We went a saw "Mirror, Mirror" at the theatre, ran a few errands and then headed to the park in order to get rid of some energy. We got home and I started making pizza dough at which time the kids informed me that they wanted crackers, cheese, cucumber and strawberries while watching a movie. They decided that having pizza later would mean that they would get to stay up later. So I decided to take off down to the Cathedral to attend the last Holy Table, Holy Word service for the season - a service of prayer, scripture, silence, community and Eucharist. After a day of being with two roughhousing brothers this was exactly what I needed! And the kids having time away from me was also probably what they needed!

I came home and we made some amazing pizza's! They turned out great and it was so much fun to watch them decide what to put on it and how much to put on. And then to watch them enjoy the food that they prepared themselves... I love it!

Breakfast: Green eggs, turkey bacon and toast!

Sunday we got up and I made them green eggs and turkey bacon! The best way to make green eggs (I've since discovered) is to puree spinnach and egg together and then scramble it up! They come out so very green. And the kids loved it... Aaron was rather disgusted when he learned (after the fact) that it was made with spinach. We headed to church and then came home and decorated the twenty-two eggs we had blown out over the weekend. This too was fun to watch them be creative with...

Now that everyone is home and the second to last week of school is about to begin I am looking forward to cleaning the house, resting and then tackling the way to much homework that needs to be completed. I am also looking forward to the journey through Holy Week, the journey with Jesus to the cross and then into the great light of the resurrection!

Time for Creativity

Sometimes you just need to have your soul fully, delicately, and wonderfully filled. And sometimes you don't even know that it's what the deepest depths of your soul needs, but when the opportunity comes those deep depths of yourself just soak it all up.

This past Wednesday the staff at the Cathedral gathered to decorate Easter Eggs. This time to explore and be reminded of the creative side within me was just what I needed, it was just what we all needed.



Of course, the problem now is figuring out how to move from being creative to paper writing... or maybe accepting the creativity that can and should exist within the words on a page, yes even in academic papers!

But as this week ends and we soon begin the journey through Holy Week the opportunity to explore my creative side once again and engage in some repetitive and delicate work with good company filled with creativity and laughter is feeding me.